Sunday, 17 July 2016

Long time, no see

Yup, it's been ages since I've posted anything; I've been working 6 days a week for just over a year now which leaves little time to do anything else aside from eating, sleeping, cleaning, cooking. I need to be more like my animals, snoozy and carefree (don't I wish) :)

I have to sit down for a bit, been rummaging around and cleaning a bit of this and that, then bashed my big toe off of something and bent back the nail halfway. It's bleeding quite nicely so as I force myself to sit with ice and drink a big glass of water (I'm so good with drinking lots of water when I'm working but not so much on my day off), I thought I should also get around to updating my blog.

I've been thinking a lot lately about negativity and how it affects our lives (my life). If you are like me and have gone through more crap in your life than most people can never want to imagine, it's really really easy to let your brain think negatively. You probably don't even do it consciously, it just kind of does it on it's own. The best way I have to explain it is like this:

Your brain is like a forest. You walk through this forest every day, and after a time you create paths through the forest. Some paths you have to really pay attention to where you're going as it's new and unknown. Other paths you know so well, you can walk it without paying attention and could probably do it with little illumination to help guide your footsteps. The brain is the same; our ways of thinking/being/doing create neural paths and connections and with repetition, it becomes second nature. It's easier for the brain to think negatively instead of positively, more for some people than others. It's super hard, if you're one of these people, to take the reins of your brain and say, "No, we're not going to walk down that path today, we're going to go this way instead." I struggle with this every day, and it is a constant fight, a fight with my own brain.

I explained to my husband once that my brain (because I'm female? or some other reason?) fights with itself. There is the logical half, and there is the emotional half. For example, one day my cat was sick and I had to drop her off at the vets; they told me they will call me when they know what's going on. All day at work my emotional brain is telling me, "What if something horrible is wrong? Why haven't they called you? It's because something horrible is wrong!" My logical brain kicks in and says, "They're just doing some tests, tests take time, they have other animals they are taking care of, they are very busy, they will call when they know anything." Emotional brain: "What if that's not true? What if they're not calling you because she's dead? What if she's all alone and suffering?" Logical brain: "Now don't get carried away! I'm sure everything is fine. They are good and capable people and will call you when they can." This can go on and on back and forth until I finally hear from the vet (yes, everything was fine, it just took a while to figure things out).

I'm trying, when I start to think of negative things (and this affects daydreams as well), to stop it in it's tracks and put something positive there instead. It can be anything from something funny I read or see (like this) to thinking of something I'm grateful for, or looking forward to something in the future. It's really, really hard but I have to make a concerted effort at it. I don't want to be one of those people that drive me nuts. You know the ones; the "poor me" people that always feel sorry for themselves and want others to feel sorry for them too. The ones that never do anything about it, just want the attention and thus the emotional high they get from that attention. I'm finding with all this social media it's getting worse. It's like your social media friends are your captive audience and saying certain things will illicit the corresponding reaction that they so desperately seek, "I feel so.......unloved today! Wish someone would come and make me some tea." or something like that. People jump in a say, "Oh no, you are SO loved! You are so great!" etc., etc. Really? For one, why do people feel the need to overshare everything publicly? For two, to treat your friends like the above mentioned captive audience really does a disservice to them.

This site has some interesting ideas on how to deal with it: 10 Reasons You Have Negative Energy and How To Reverse It

I get that people get depressed and in a rut, I really do. I can be one of them at times. Yet I force myself, when I catch myself doing it, to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I talk to someone. I exercise. I go for a walk and get some fresh air and sunshine. I sometimes have to take medication. I turn up some fun music and dance around the house and sing loudly and badly. I cuddle with my pets. I compliment someone randomly which makes them have a slightly better day.

Recently I reread "The Celestine Prophecy"; it's one of those dog eared books crammed on my shelf that I take out every few years. (Don't watch the movie, it's awful) Some of it is hokey, but there are some good points in it. One that really stuck with me is this: in every interaction with people, there is an exchange of energy. Sometimes it's a mutual exchange, sometimes you feel energized in the exchange, sometimes you have to give more energy (say your friend is going through a hard time and needs some support) and sometimes it's a draining experience. There are people in your life, (be they friends, family, co-workers, casual acquaintances or sometimes random strangers) that affect your energy level. Some people you look forward to seeing, to chatting with, or just hanging out with; they bring up your energy. Other people (and you know the ones) you dread seeing or running into, you try to limit how much time you spend with them because they just suck the life right out of you. I call them energy vampires. The older I get the more I realize that I don't have a ton of energy left over after doing everything else, so that the people I try to associate with will be people that want to invest as much energy in me as I do them. Obviously you can't avoid some people at work, etc. But I'm making a conscious effort to limit my exposure to those negative people. Yes, that can mean some strife if it's a family member, and no, I don't think it's selfish. It's a matter of self preservation. People get away with their bad behaviour, their negativity around you because you allow it (to a point; I'm not talking about abusive situations). If you tell them, "Hey, I don't like the way you're talking/acting because it's affecting me negatively so can you please change it?" and they still don't change, there is nothing wrong with cutting yourself off from that person and their influence on you. I mean, don't you, don't we all deserve a bright, happy life? If we are happier people, than we can share that influence and make others happier too. Break from the negative viscous circle and embrace the positive feedback circle.

One final thought before I get back to everything I should be doing. If we, as human beings,  took full responsibility for our actions and our lives, and I mean FULL, wouldn't that radically change how we not only treat others, but ourselves as well? No more, "I did this because they did that," or "Well, I don't know any better, that's how I was raised," or "It's not my fault, I'm just a victim or I couldn't help it," etc., etc. Just full acceptance of our words, our actions and our thoughts, with the understanding how these affect not only others lives, but our own as well.( Again, I'm not talking about abusive situations or things like that). Negativity breeds negativity, it's like a poison that slowly creeps into every aspect of your life. I'd rather be a positive force for good.

"I am the Master of my Fate, I am the Captain of my Soul."